I am tired of my face

“Every man over 40 is responsible for his face.”  Abraham Lincoln

I am tired of my face. 

Seriously, I am tired of looking at ME!  This is not some transparent ploy fishing for compliments.  I am not talking about looking like Brad Pitt. There is nothing wrong with my face.  I don’t need plastic surgery or anything.  I am not misshapen, or asymmetrical.   I am talking about staring at the same stupid face in the mirror every morning, every time I wash my hands, every time I pass a reflective object. 

What do you do when you are middle aged, and bored with yourself?

I am getting a hair cut on Friday but that doesn’t change the basic issue. My face is still the same.  I trimmed my mustache back, but that doesn’t help. I may let it grow back out to resemble a small shrub. I have had a mustache for nearly 30 years.  Shaving it off is not an option.   I hate my face without the mustache (plus it feels really freaky).  I grew a “beard” around Thanksgiving.  It wasn’t much of a beard.  I don’t know why my mustache radiates out from my upper lip half way to my eyes, but I have a massive bald patch on each side of my face. 

I had the beard for about 3 months.  I would have shaved it off sooner, but it irritated my mother, so I left it as a public service.  She needed something new to complain about.  She said it made me look “dirty.”  She said dirty the same way she says “dirty Mexican” so I took it as a compliment.  She told my long haired, goatee’ed  son she like his beard better than mine.  She loathes the little patch of hair on his chin, so for her to like his better to the point of commenting says something. 

 But I digress.  I am still tired of looking at me.  After 51 years I am bored with me.  I cannot imagine how my lovely wife of 31 years feels.  She should be tried of me.  The good news is I am handy around the house, so my position should be secure.  Then again, I still enjoy looking at my lovely wife, so maybe there is yet hope for my mug?

I thought about guy liner, but in Ft. Worth Texas, that is pretty much a non-starter.  Especially since I work in the defense industry, where even the ladies are part of the old boy’s club.  Besides, that might lead to me shaving off my eye brows and redrawing them with R E A L L Y  high arches.  Adornment is out.

NO FACE TATTOOS. See the comments above. 

My face is neither too fat nor too thin.  No weird scars or oddities.  Maybe I need more character?  According to President Lincoln, I can no longer blame my parents.  It is all my fault.  I could accidently cut myself with my Japanese sword, leaving a really cool scar.  In addition to the mess it makes on the dojo floor, likely as not it would set my martial arts training back at least 2 years.     

Other men I know have grown tired of their face.  They dumped their wife, got the same model 10 years younger, along with a Corvette or some other tired cliché of middle aged men.  Years later the fundamental problem remains, the same old tired face is still there.  Only now they have alienated their family, friends and ruined their lives. 

In the end, I don’t have a really good answer. I am still working this one out.  This is a conundrum to be sure.